It's over..

Though the feelings hasn't passed, sad to say our love didn't last..
Please don't ask me to pretend but It's over.
When I'm done forgetting you,
Please don't ask me to pretend,
Cause it's over now...

Hiding my Heart

No More Turning Tables. 10302011

I can't keep up with your turning tables. Under your thumb I can't breathe. So I won't let you go close enough to hurt me, I won't let you go and just desert me. I can't give you what you think you gave me. I've got to say Goodbye to Turning Tables.

Make You Feel My Love..

The Strength surviving all Hurts..

Whoa! It's been four months since my last post.. A lot has changed. Major turnaround has already happened for the last four months.. Nonetheless, the roller coaster ride still continued.

The person I was referring to in my last post is gone. He chose to leave as he's forced to do so after I pushed him away. It was for the better.

I shut down and met another guy-- a trader, who unconsciously helped me become a much better person. His presence cushioned the hurt I felt when the guy I used to be dating left. Again, the core of strength within me survived all hurts.

On October 6, I committed with John. I accepted him again and gave things a chance. We were okay but not for long.

A week after, the circumstances came between us tearing us apart. John is so scared to get attached with anyone. He feels that committing would only occupy his personal space and leave him no room to be free. He has issues. The thought of losing himself while in a relationship freaks him out.. He left.

A few days after, he came back committing with me again. I accepted him with open arms. It went well.. temporarily..

Today, October 30 (also exactly 2 years ago when he left for the States leaving me with nothing), he left me again and told me that he's seeing someone else.. Same issues, same reasons..

Thank You

You have been patient, understanding, and forgiving for the last nine months and for those same number of months I'm struggling.. i dipped into another relationship with a blurry prospect. Nonetheless, despite the weariness and negativities we go through as we struggle to have a better relationship, I thank you for keeping up with me. Thank you for cushioning my sanity. Thank you for staying with me as I try my best to become a better person. Thank you for holding on as I'm still a work in progress. My growth is heavily slow but thank you for always putting up with me. Thank you for holding my hands tight everytime I'm in the verge of insanity...

Rain, rain, don't go away

I prayed for God to give me you at the Chapel of the Eucharistic Christ last night during the anticipated mass. However, I am feeling otherwise now.. The rain is making me feel nostalgic and free at the same time. I feel liberated.

Have I moved on? God, I hope so.. ;)

My Life Begins Now

Not a Single Tear

Today marks the day when i would no longer allow a single tear to fall from my eyes again because of you. Never again.

Has the door finally closed at me?

Fingers-crossed. I hope it's all over. I wish that I could finally move on. I am hurting but giving it a few months, probably, everything would come to an end. I miss him and I love him so much but life is setting a different pace for me-- to turn around, take another route, and find new doors to open...

Quarter of a Turn More

It has been a long time since I last wrote a thing in my blog. And for what seemed to be an eternity, my life, the kind of life I have been living for the last year or two, has finally shifted two hundred seventy degrees,waiting for it to move quarter of a turn more. In the past weeks, it feels like I have just started my year..

Looking back, Y2010 was a tough year for me. It was an intense year-- full of surprises; people left; new ones came; and, old ones, people I knew way back my frizzy-hair days, reunited. My life was everything in between. I valued nobody else but Myself. I received too much of an attention from new and old friends and as the year progressed, I craved for more. It made me feel more important than ever but insecure at the same time.

As I enjoy every bit of what life offered me, I drowned. The narcissism in me was a quicksand. My insecurities and sense of omnipotence overpowered my conscience and morality, as well as my compassion for the people surrounding me. I lost touch with reality. I lost control. The world revolved around nobody but ME.

I refuse to account the number of people I have hurt as I feed my ego with that false sense of superiority.

A shattering incident during the first quarter of 2011 has to unfold to push me grounded, to shake me, and to shatter the thick glass of my bogus self.

2010 is an all-important year for me because I learned too much the hard way. It taught me to be more responsible, considerate, controlled and composed. Moreso, it gave me the virtue of Temperance. My emotions pushed back, while logic makes its way at the forefront.

I am bruised, again.. but how deep I fell doesn't matter now, what matters is how high I bounced back.

A quarter of a turn more and I'm back on track...

Say Goodbye

two years and one month..

thank God it's over.

i miss you..

so mad at you

Withered..

Two years have gone by and finally I have decided to move on... I was in a roller coaster ride for the last two years in my life and in a blink of an eye before 2010 ended, I finally had the guts to let go of the feelings which should have been long gone..

I waited long enough and John must never blame me for leaving because I had been there for him with no apparent reason to.

It took me some time to realize that there was nothing to ever hold on to. I exerted more than a tolerable effort just to stick with the feelings and love I have for him which remained unrequited despite the time spent.

It's easier to leave him now and move forward as I start the new year right.

I am hurt but will never ever be regretful as I decide to let go for I have loved him in many ways and freely gave it more than what he truly deserves.

He's now another fragment of my past, a happy and sad thought which will always have a special spot in my heart.

Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for opening my heart and showing me how it feels to fall inlove again. Thank you for the few wonderful moments my heart will live by.

As I move forward and leave the past behind, I want you to know that you would remain to be a happy memory-- one that I will cherish forever..