Shooo Valentine Blues!

It's February 14, Valentine's Day. And it surely sucks! These love songs are getting into me! ( My line for the last 9 years)

It sucks, indeed, specially for single ladies like me who have been in and out of relationships for quite some time now-- 10 years to be exact!

Eversince my younger days, I have been hoping, wishing, and working hard to get married at the age of 27 or 28 -- the best ages to marry, they say. It did me no good, if I may say. I have loved and lost, fell in and out, broken and healed, wept and laughed. I was insane!

It was at the age of 27 when the truth about falling inlove dawned in me.. The guy I refer to as my greatest love-- with whom I wished to marry and spend the rest of my life with got married to someone else. Naturally, my world shattered into pieces, stopped revolving, and halted my life.

I had to lodge in one of the posh hotels in Ortigas (rich me!) just to spill my heart out and cry as loud as I can (with So Close in the background and hoping that the next door tenant doesn't hear me). It took me 3 hours of crying and drinking a big bottle of Mudshake before finally coming into my senses. My friends came right in time and drunk the remains of my alcohol as they baby me to sleep to rest my eyes out (the puffiest ever!) from weeping over spilled milk.

The experience alone taught me a lot of things about falling in love. The values I got from that encounter are the most important things one should carry as they commit themselves to another person.

It strongly imbibed in me one thing: TO LOVE MYSELF MORE.. as cliche as it might seem.

As bitter as it looks like but it gave me an idea that unconditional love does not really exist. At some point in the relationship, you would always want something in return. You cannot give (1) what you don't have and (2) more than what you get. Because in the end, when you outpour more than what you should only give, you'll just find yourself picking up and collecting from the ground the part of you which you should have not given anyway..

At this point in time, it's good to stop a while and provide myself with more breathing space. I have been very busy finding love for the last 10 years. The last 9 years of which made me dreadful of Valentine's day. Today, as Valentine is slowly passing, I feel at peace and in tranquil with my solitude. Being happy does not necessarily follow having someone to spend this day with..

To everyone, Happy Valentine's Day! May you find joy and happiness in your own ways!